A lot of you will throw jokes and roll eyes, and that’s fine — you still need to read this. Check the “hooahs” and the “semper fi’s” at the door, it’s time for real talk. Depression is a hell of a thing. It convinces you that, for some reason, in every way, you are not good enough, you’re not worthy enough, and in all other aspects, you’re simply a plague. While this article will primarily focus on veterans, LEOs, EMS and other first responders, it still applies to all of us as people.
Depression is hard. Living with some of our choices that we made, whether by choice or by bad situation, can be even harder. These choices can come from serving one’s country, community, and even just in day-to-day life. We all make hard decisions. Sometimes it’s pulling the trigger, it’s trying to stop the bleeding, it’s trying to decide when to throw in the towel and when to fight. Sometimes it’s marriage, or divorce. It’s reliving these moments, through nightmares, PTSD, handling consequences and fallout. It’s rethinking the situation over and over. What could I have done to save the child on the gurney; what could I have done to save my brother?
People make these decisions every day. Unfortunately, not everyone can be saved, and it’s just their time. Yet we struggle with the losses; we blame ourselves for inadequacy, we blame ourselves for any fault we may find, and we blame ourselves for surviving. We think we are not worthy of those we have been given to protect in our communities and in our homes, we feel the pain and agony of every tear shed by others from what we see as our shortcomings. We find ourselves constantly at fault.
Even in all of this, we must remember that it is in our nature to protect others, because that is how we best show our love for them. We cannot quit. We cannot surrender ourselves to the dark feelings depression will give us. We all deserve to be happy, and we all deserve to be loved. Love the brother you lost, live a life he would be proud of. Love the children and their innocence, it is for them that we fight these battles in hopes they may never have to do it themselves.
Most importantly, love yourself. Being a fighter may feel like the loneliest calling one could have. It certainly invites pain, suffering, and loss into our lives, but all of us have a reason to fight. Even when it doesn’t seem like it, you have something tying you to this earth for a reason. We chose to fall into this line for a reason. We knew there may come a time when we are expected to sacrifice everything, and that sacrifice would be made out of love. Learn to love those who struggle beside you. Hold each other up. Walk beside each other. Take care of each other when the demons come knocking. Love your brother. He’s earned it.
Guest Writer: Raymond Williams
Raymond Williams resides in Not California with his family. He has an extensive background in private security and currently works in several fields within that industry. He attends Sonoran Desert Institute while pursuing an AS is Firearms Technology. His hobbies include writing shooting and working on firearms. He can also be found at the nearest piano or cello when he is not crying himself to sleep over being literally not, not figuratively, a redheaded stepchild
