In the wake of the most recent mass shooting event Friday at Santa Fe High School in Texas, there will certainly be more talk of gun control. Additionally, the hype surrounding mental health and if it played a role in in today’s horrible incident or others in the past. I find myself wondering if its more than that. Given my upbringing and the challenges I faced as a child, as I am sure many others have, I am beginning to think this is a parenting issue. What is so different from my childhood and those who have felt the need to go and commit these unfathomable acts of hatred?

From a distance I had all the makings to turn out to be like one of these kids. I grew up with mental health issues and took medication for it, I was raised with multiple firearms and ammo at my disposal. I had family problems as well as plenty of social hurdles to overcome. But I certainly never thought about using a weapon as a tool to express my emotions, or as a means to an end.

Thankfully I had two parents who made the choice to teach me right from wrong. Instead of sheltering me from all the bad in the world, they taught me the consequences I would face if I made the wrong decisions. Among other things I learned respect and discipline. I know what you’re thinking, these things are parenting 101 right? Are they?

Let me give you an example, and I’ll start with something every child is taught at a young age learning to navigate the world. Cursing, I don’t know one parent that allows or approves of their child or any child cursing and being disrespectful. But how do you teach a kid that cursing is bad? Do you do your best to make sure they never see or hear those bad things, and hope they never learn it on their own? We have all seen that parent who gets angry at the person cursing in front of their kid in public… Wouldn’t you want to go out of your way to teach that child why the act of cursing isn’t acceptable and what the repercussions are for making the choice to do so? Ask that same question and change cursing to drinking or doing drugs. Now ask yourself again, but this time ask yourself if you ever taught your child right and wrong when it comes to violence and how they express their feelings.

We could all easily blame these mass shootings on mental health issues, or current gun laws but it seems to be a lot more than just that. We are all guilty of being irresponsible adults. Not only have we failed these children to a point where they don’t have the capability to deal with their emotions in a healthy way, but we have also enabled them to commit these acts. Either by allowing them access to firearms or simply by not only giving them the support, but the discipline needed in their lives. Additionally, a child who is fatherless and has no strong male figure in their life is twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; and four times as likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. According to the US Department of Health 63% of youth suicides and 85% of children with behavior disorders come from fatherless homes. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children from single parent homes are also at risk.

Let’s face it, we all need to be more accountable. We adults should be more vigilant about keeping our firearms inaccessible and safe. We need to teach our youth respect for firearms, and for the human life. Federal funding for school counseling should be increased, as on average one counselor has close 500 students to attend to. We should also hold the state and local government accountable, we all know there are copious laws in place that should prevent firearms winding up in the wrong hands. But seeing as how Nikolas Cruz was able to carry out the recent mass shooting at Stoneman Douglas High School, its apparent that even the legal system we have in place is flawed because it isn’t upheld. Most of all we need to focus on our youth, and how they are affected by the world around them. We need to stop pointing fingers and listen. We the people, are not doing our part.